"I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the LORD; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart." Jeremiah 24:7
I came across an article during my recent research on the "dying church" and the strongholds of legalism, I believe it accurately depicts the reason I can not find more then one book on the the shelves of our local christian store on the subject of divorce when we all know that 50 % of christian marriages end in divorce. I find it ironic that the topic is enough of an issue as to prevent in the minds of some the very call of God on ones life, yet somehow the subject has escaped the radar of the christian market. It seems to me with the right title, regardless of content it would be a best seller by default. I have posted below some of the article I mentioned, I found it refreshing...........
"These Are a Few of My Regrets...............
As I reflect on the 35 years I served as a pastor, I am partially proud and partially plagued with regrets. Yes, I do have regrets. I regret that I allowed a measure of pride and arrogance to dominate my ministry. Today I experience a measure of pain when I reflect on some of my attitudes and actions over the years. If confession is good for the soul, then it will be good for me to confess my sins and share my regrets. Perhaps sharing my regrets will help younger pastors to avoid the negative attitudes I had.
I sincerely regret treating divorce as though it is the unpardonable sin. I realize now that I allowed a form of fundamentalist legalism to dominate my thinking on the subject of divorce. Perhaps I came by it honestly from my early mentors. I was led to believe that people who experienced divorce, in every case, committed a sin that was unforgivable by both God and the church. I treated divorced people as second class Christians, who by virtue of divorce, completely forfeited all rights and privileges as church members. I always declared that I loved divorced persons just the same as I did the non-divorced persons, but never treated them the same as those who kept their marriages together. I feel a great deal of pain now because of the way I treated the divorced persons.
I regret consistently counseling against divorce in every case, even when it was clearly obvious that divorce would have been the better option. For example, I have on a number of occasions counseled against divorce when a husband has been abusive to a wife. On numerous occasions I have counseled against divorce in cases where the wife was morally unfaithful to her husband. In every case, I falsely believed that divorce was worse than the abuse or the unfaithfulness. I falsely believed that I could "fix" things so dysfunctional couples could continue in marriage. I took the legal approach, using the Bible as whip to prove my case. I have never recommended divorce, even in cases where I knew that divorce was the best option. I didn't want to go on record as being soft on divorce. Primarily because I was treating divorce as an unpardonable sin for Christians, especially church members.
I sincerely regret allowing divorce to be the reason for not ordaining deacons and pastors. As a pastor, I have prevented several good and godly men from becoming deacons because of divorce. I served one church for fourteen years where a divorced man received more votes of any man in the church during deacon elections. The man had married as a teenager and was married for less than a year. During the first deacon election after I became pastor, the man received the highest number votes but I persuaded the Deacon Screening Committee (the committee that had the final authority of acceptance or rejection) that he was unqualified because of his divorce. Never mind that he had been married to the same woman for more than 45 years. I judged that divorce has consequences and one of the consequences was that a divorced man is eternally disqualified to be a deacon in a local church. It was okay with me for him to sing in the choir, be a S.S. department director and have lesser offices. Other than the legalistic disqualification of divorce, the man was a perfect candidate to be a deacon. I grieve deeply today about my attitude and action toward the man. He died last year and was never allowed to be what the church wanted him to be. I went against the wishes of the church because of an unchristian form of legalism.
I sincerely regret asking a fine deacon to surrender his ordination papers because he experienced a nasty divorce. He was a fine young man of about forty, whose wife suddenly became unfaithful to him. The wife left him with a nine-year old daughter to raise. He was one of the finest deacons the church had. He was a true servant of God and the church. The divorce did not change his character or commitment to God. I am more than ashamed of my actions toward this devout believer. If there's anything unpardonable about this situation, it's probably that I committed a grave error in legalistic judgement.
On the other hand, I am proud to say that I have somewhat redeemed myself regarding the ordination of a pastor who had experienced a divorce. After I became a Director of Missions, I realized the error in my thinking. A small rural church in my association called a young Agriculture teacher in a nearby town to become their interim pastor. Early in life the man had felt God's call to pastoral ministry and was seeking training. Before he finished college, he experienced a divorce. Believing that he was eternally disqualified from the pastoral ministry, he pursued a degree in Agriculture Education and spent his time as a lay preacher. After about six months as an interim pastor, the church decided to call him as full-time pastor and asked me to help ordain him. Despite some rather serious objections by several pastors in the association, I went ahead with plans to help ordain him. Today, after two years at the church, he is marvelously leading the congregation to carry out the Great Commission in the local church and in the association. I have no regrets about changing my mind in this situation. Believing in the total autonomy of the local church and the call of God in the man's life, I support the man in every way I can. I do, regret, however, that I spent so many years stuck in the legalistic quagmire of opposing divorced men in the pastorate.
I sincerely regret refusing to perform marriages for persons who had experienced divorce. For some strange reason, I got over this one rather early in my ministry. During the first decade of my ministry, I prided myself for never performing a wedding for a couple where one or both had experienced divorce. I falsely believed that if I performed such a wedding I would be going against what the Bible teaches about marriage. My solution was to recommend that the couple go to some other pastor for their marriage. I soon realized that I had lost every opportunity to ever minister to these couples. They were not only going to other pastors to get married, they were forever leaving my realm of influence. I was making enemies of them because of the unpardonable sin. I was the one committing the unpardonable sin. I was the loser. I sincerely regret that today. "
As I reflect on the 35 years I served as a pastor, I am partially proud and partially plagued with regrets. Yes, I do have regrets. I regret that I allowed a measure of pride and arrogance to dominate my ministry. Today I experience a measure of pain when I reflect on some of my attitudes and actions over the years. If confession is good for the soul, then it will be good for me to confess my sins and share my regrets. Perhaps sharing my regrets will help younger pastors to avoid the negative attitudes I had.
I sincerely regret treating divorce as though it is the unpardonable sin. I realize now that I allowed a form of fundamentalist legalism to dominate my thinking on the subject of divorce. Perhaps I came by it honestly from my early mentors. I was led to believe that people who experienced divorce, in every case, committed a sin that was unforgivable by both God and the church. I treated divorced people as second class Christians, who by virtue of divorce, completely forfeited all rights and privileges as church members. I always declared that I loved divorced persons just the same as I did the non-divorced persons, but never treated them the same as those who kept their marriages together. I feel a great deal of pain now because of the way I treated the divorced persons.
I regret consistently counseling against divorce in every case, even when it was clearly obvious that divorce would have been the better option. For example, I have on a number of occasions counseled against divorce when a husband has been abusive to a wife. On numerous occasions I have counseled against divorce in cases where the wife was morally unfaithful to her husband. In every case, I falsely believed that divorce was worse than the abuse or the unfaithfulness. I falsely believed that I could "fix" things so dysfunctional couples could continue in marriage. I took the legal approach, using the Bible as whip to prove my case. I have never recommended divorce, even in cases where I knew that divorce was the best option. I didn't want to go on record as being soft on divorce. Primarily because I was treating divorce as an unpardonable sin for Christians, especially church members.
I sincerely regret allowing divorce to be the reason for not ordaining deacons and pastors. As a pastor, I have prevented several good and godly men from becoming deacons because of divorce. I served one church for fourteen years where a divorced man received more votes of any man in the church during deacon elections. The man had married as a teenager and was married for less than a year. During the first deacon election after I became pastor, the man received the highest number votes but I persuaded the Deacon Screening Committee (the committee that had the final authority of acceptance or rejection) that he was unqualified because of his divorce. Never mind that he had been married to the same woman for more than 45 years. I judged that divorce has consequences and one of the consequences was that a divorced man is eternally disqualified to be a deacon in a local church. It was okay with me for him to sing in the choir, be a S.S. department director and have lesser offices. Other than the legalistic disqualification of divorce, the man was a perfect candidate to be a deacon. I grieve deeply today about my attitude and action toward the man. He died last year and was never allowed to be what the church wanted him to be. I went against the wishes of the church because of an unchristian form of legalism.
I sincerely regret asking a fine deacon to surrender his ordination papers because he experienced a nasty divorce. He was a fine young man of about forty, whose wife suddenly became unfaithful to him. The wife left him with a nine-year old daughter to raise. He was one of the finest deacons the church had. He was a true servant of God and the church. The divorce did not change his character or commitment to God. I am more than ashamed of my actions toward this devout believer. If there's anything unpardonable about this situation, it's probably that I committed a grave error in legalistic judgement.
On the other hand, I am proud to say that I have somewhat redeemed myself regarding the ordination of a pastor who had experienced a divorce. After I became a Director of Missions, I realized the error in my thinking. A small rural church in my association called a young Agriculture teacher in a nearby town to become their interim pastor. Early in life the man had felt God's call to pastoral ministry and was seeking training. Before he finished college, he experienced a divorce. Believing that he was eternally disqualified from the pastoral ministry, he pursued a degree in Agriculture Education and spent his time as a lay preacher. After about six months as an interim pastor, the church decided to call him as full-time pastor and asked me to help ordain him. Despite some rather serious objections by several pastors in the association, I went ahead with plans to help ordain him. Today, after two years at the church, he is marvelously leading the congregation to carry out the Great Commission in the local church and in the association. I have no regrets about changing my mind in this situation. Believing in the total autonomy of the local church and the call of God in the man's life, I support the man in every way I can. I do, regret, however, that I spent so many years stuck in the legalistic quagmire of opposing divorced men in the pastorate.
I sincerely regret refusing to perform marriages for persons who had experienced divorce. For some strange reason, I got over this one rather early in my ministry. During the first decade of my ministry, I prided myself for never performing a wedding for a couple where one or both had experienced divorce. I falsely believed that if I performed such a wedding I would be going against what the Bible teaches about marriage. My solution was to recommend that the couple go to some other pastor for their marriage. I soon realized that I had lost every opportunity to ever minister to these couples. They were not only going to other pastors to get married, they were forever leaving my realm of influence. I was making enemies of them because of the unpardonable sin. I was the one committing the unpardonable sin. I was the loser. I sincerely regret that today. "
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